Reasons to cheat on your partner

cheat on your partnerThere are several reasons to cheat on your partner. You could be cheating out of revenge, out of boredom, because you feel irresistibly attracted to someone else, or because you have a need for attention and tenderness that you do not get in your current relationship. We can still go further.

Adultery is more complicated than it seems at first glance except that there are different motivating factors for different people. Adultery can also take different forms. From the classic one night stand to a more complex, long-term affair that can even lead to parallel relationships that exist with each other.

In the many emails we receive from you, the adultery theme often emerges. Not only do we receive emails from those who are victims of adultery, but also of those who have committed adultery. They have to deal with guilt, the fear and the uncertainty about the future, but also with the question: “Should I tell my partner?”

This is the theme that we want to put on the agenda this week, and therefore we ask you again, as always, to add your own experiences, opinions or perhaps advice.Should you confess to cheating or not? If your partner has no idea, why would you want them to be hurt so badly, for any reason other than revenge? Should you tell because honesty is simply the best policy? Or will you keep it to yourself because you trust yourself not to do it again and you don’t want to hurt him by telling him? If you do decide to confess, how do you go about it, how do you word it? What can you expect from him? A crisis perhaps, revenge, tears, or all of the above or nothing. Each situation is different. Let’s talk about it below.

Per the usual, we will publish the most interesting comments below. Last names are never mentioned and first names are only published if they are given in the message.

I feel that ignorance is bliss and if you have decided to be unfaithful, don’t tell him unless he is going to find out anyway. It is best to hear from you than from someone else. Otherwise it will cause nothing but pain and they will never fully trust you again. If you feel guilty, that is your problem, as it is a consequence of the choice you made. Either get over it and move on or wallow in guilt and fear for the rest of your relationship; it’s up to you.
I think this is a situation that you should be honest about with your partner. It will make him hurt and not trust you again, but is it not better to tell him before he finds out elsewhere and ends up hating you? You will wish you had told him if he finds out from another source.

Plus, the emotions you feel after you tell him will hopefully deter you from making that choice again.

I cannot keep one man! I always tell them this in the beginning and I only go with men that are okay with this decision. I used to be 100% monogamous with my heart and soul but not anymore; I’ve been hurt too much. Life is a big party for me right now.
What responses. People are saying that you should not tell and you should keep your mouth shut so you don’t cause him pain. That is to say if you say something to him you are stupid. Where is the trust if you don’t even come clean? How can you work for a better future if you won’t even be honest about something huge like this? You are grown enough to have cheated on him, now be grown enough to confess and take the blame for your poor choice. Sure it will be difficult and he may break up with you anyway, or he won’t really trust you, but he has good reason not to!!

I was cheated on by my boyfriend with the same girl at least 5 times and I found out from someone else. For a long time I did not know and then I started getting hints that he was messing around. It was painful to think about and then come to find out it was one of my best friends. I had to break up with both of them, and they have stopped seeing each other (I think, I don’t care) so we are all lonely because of their decisions to sleep together! What a waste! I would have rather found out from him than from someone else. I think it would have hurt less.

There is always talk about women in relationships whose husband is cheating. Many women suspect their man of cheating even if he is not. Men are strange and want sex all the time and will always be like that and sometimes make choices they regret and are not always honest about it.
Have been in a relationship for 2.5 years with someone who often travels abroad for work for a month, sometimes two. I trust him but if he did cheat on me, I would want to know. A clean break is better than a jagged, dragged-out break.
Hello,
I think this is actually quite simply nonsense. You cannot cheat on your partner and still insist that everything is right in your relationship. Everyone has their own opinion so you should not be persuaded one way or another by someone else but I think if you are unfaithful, you are not worthy of him and vice versa. Of course everybody has fantasies about another person or sees an attractive person and have naughty thoughts about them, but YOU DO NOT DO IT. You can look and even have fun too but you are off the menu if you are in a relationship! Talk to your partner about anything that is bothering you and come to an amicable solution.
Hi,
I am dating a boy of 16 and he is very sweet. He is on vacation right now and the last few days I have been lonesome and have spent a lot of time with a very good friend. We ended up kissing twice and afterwards all I could think about was my friend and our kisses. Later that evening as I was lying in bed I thought about both of them and I figured it was silly of me but I don’t know what to do.

Greetings, a helpless girl.

What NONSENSE! Let’s first look at the psychology: you cheat – “Damn, now I feel guilty”. Actually, you’re just stupid, because you had previously imagined that you would not feel guilty? Now you would like to take your guilt away, so you saddle your partner with grief. THAT’S FUN! But not really! So you feel guilty because you slept with one person and then you also have to make yet another sad by telling him and losing his trust. I despise the people who advise you to tell him just so you can appease your guilty conscience! Maybe you should not have cheated in the first place. So now you should keep your mouth shut and let this be a lesson to you to not do it again!
 
2 years we’ve been together, great, he was everything to me but I had a problem, I had vaginismus, so I could not have sex. The first 6 months were great, but after that time he started to find it difficult to be with me since we could not make love. So every time we had a falling out and did not see each other for a week, he had sex with another person. He has hurt me so much yet I went back every time until I found out he had sex with my best friend several times in revenge. I started something with his good friend for 6 months as a revenge tactic. Yet my heart still belonged to him. Now after 6 months of not speaking to each other we are back together and luckily after many doctor appointments I can now have sex and we do but it is not easy to trust him anymore. By me taking revenge he realized how much it hurt and is wrong. I think everything can be put back in place but it is still very difficult. I think things are going well for us, though.
Hi, maybe a different story. My friend and I had a difficult time apart after a few weeks so we decided once again to try to work things out which resulted in making love. He told me that if he had another girlfriend he would tell me. I feel this is not fair so I came back after 2 months that he did indeed have another girlfriend when we were together the one time. He called me first and then her and I was really furious. I could not believe he could do such a thing! But life goes on. I said I could forgive him and he was in tears begging me to come back to him. Anyway, I invited him to my birthday party and told him he had to choose between me and any other woman and he said he chose me. On my birthday he had a conversation with my best friend and we are together again since that day but now when he goes away for sports or vacation I get jealous because sometimes he does not tell me whom he is going with. Once I found his swimming trunks in his football bag when he told me he was just playing football and not anything else. I told him I felt I could not trust him. I know it’s my own fault but how can I trust him again after he had a girlfriend? Now that I look back I realize what a fool I was.
My policy in a relationship is that it’s all or nothing. If he cheats, it’s over. No discussion, end of story. If I cheat on him, it’s the end and we will just have to accept it. Moreover, cheating is an indication that something is not smooth between you and your partner so it may be best to terminate the relationship beforehand.

If you do cheat but don’t want to end the relationship I think it’s best not to say anything and zip your lips. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, they say.

If it was only once and you feel really bad about it I don’t see the point in telling your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Hello, I have been in a relationship for almost 9 years. We did have a brief breakup in that time. I cheated but did not tell him. The guilt was enormous. Finally I broke down and told him a long time after we got back together but before I told him I could not live with the guilt and I could not look him in the eye. Now that I’ve told him we are working on our problems and it’s been 3 months since we got back together and we are very happy again. There are still some difficult moments but having an open relationship is much better than living with all that guilt and deception. I am absolutely sure that I will never do it again. I almost lost him forever and I am never testing that again!
I would not tell him anything because then he could not trust me anymore and it would just make both of us miserable.
I cheat! Cheating is such a strange word to me because my partner knows about it. I just do not tell him when I go and if I did or not. He chooses to turn his head. My exes could not handle it so we broke up. In my relationships it always seems something is missing that he cannot fill in my life so I look for it from somewhere else. My lovers are all single and shows me his love in his own way. This is how it’s been for 6 months and I know this can go on for a long time. I did not do it initially because I did not know how he would feel about it but in the end I told him because I feel confessing gives me more freedom and he accepts me for who I am!
My ex cheated on me while I was on vacation and I found out quite by accident afterwards. He received a text message from the girl when I was with him. I in turn, slept with my ex but I have a huge amount of guilt and regret now. I will never ever do this again and I am not sure how I feel about admitting this to you, people I do not know. But I will not tell my boyfriend. Why would I hurt his confidence in me when I am absolutey sure this will not happen again? If you don’t regret it you should not be in the relationship because it means you don’t care about him anymore and chances are you will do it again. Why would you stay with your partner in this case?
If you are cheating you need to tell your partner. Trust and honesty are very important in a relationship.
Phew, I am getting sad reading these responses. People, what is the world coming to? If someone cheats, what is love to them if we cannot restrain ourselves? People who say yes, tell him know it will hurt him and people who say do not tell him say what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, but it is all wrong. Suppose your boyfriend was cheating on you and you heard it from someone? Think about it. My boyfriend cheated on me and I found out quite terribly. I don’t get it, I was always ready for him in bed and happy to oblige him anything he wanted or needed. Yet he went with another girl because she was blonde and cute? Lame excuse, in my opinion.

If you miss the passion you once had with your partner, make him a nice dinner with wine and candlelight and remind each other of why you fell in love in the first place. This will give your relationship a kickstart. Leave each other notes, send text messages that are naughty, et cetera. These are all things that you can do to help rev up your relationship again.

 

For a few months now I have been cheating with a guy I’ve known for 3 years. From the beginning we both knew what we wanted but nothing happened. The past few months I have thrown out all the stops. My current boyfriend who I have been with for over 2 years now knows nothing. I still love him dearly but I cannot resist the other. I find it necessary to get affection and excitement from the other. I have absolutely no regrets and do not lie here awake and am certainly not going to tell my boyfriend. My motto is what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Just make sure that you are happy yourself and do not hurt others with the things you do.
No, definitely do not tell… the adultery will only last a little time while your partner is left with a lifetime of doubts and insecurities. Most often cheating happens out of boredom when you are looking for spice and excitement. For some people it is a habit. The thrill of doing something that is not allowed is exhilarating. If you want to confess I think you should be sure of your case that your own relationship is on the rocks already and you feel you will break up anyway, or that your relationship is strong enough to handle it. Otherwise, do not do more harm to it!
I also cheated. Not nice, I know, but our marriage was not good. Separation was due to happen shortly, I think. How long can you keep each other fooled? Staying with someone is usually only done out of being afraid to be alone, which is cowardly. My husband and I have separated. Now I have a relationship with a married man for 6 months. This fits into my life because I do not want a committed relationship right now at all. His wife knows nothing about it and would not want to know. Sometimes I feel guilty but most cases I enjoy myself. I am not saying that cheating is good for a marriage, but in a good marriage you can make agreements with each other about what is or is not allowed. A marriage can never be good if you have such dark secrets.
I have cheated on my boyfriend before and I am going to tell you that I did not really regret it but it’s silly for him to know. If he finds out through the grapevine I will tell him everything and see what he wants to do. He may just scold me or he will leave me. Either way I am fine.
I have been in a relationship with a man for a year and we both have families but both lack in our current relationships. We offer different things to each other. We found each other to be a lot of fun at the beginning but when it came to it we fell in love with each other.
I say to tell your partner right away. If you stay there you will probably do it again and regret it even after 20 years of marriage. You will probably even distrust your partner because you know how easy it is and then begin to wonder if your partner cheats on you. It is better for cheaters to have no committed relationship and just sleep around than to hurt other people.
Frankly, I have always been against cheating but recently I have had a relationship with a man who lives far away and of course you don’t get as much physical attention as you would like. I cheated twice but did not have sex. I have not confessed but my relationship is ending anyway. I find if I focus on other men that my relationship will be ruined anyway and I feel you should be 100% committed to each other.
This is difficult to talk about. I am strange, not because my relationship is bad but just because I need a lot of attention. I have a lover on the side and my boyfriend has a lover on the side as well, that we both know about. Sometimes I feel guilty but then I know he is doing it too so it helps me feel better about it. I know it’s not good for us because I stress out over it and I wonder if he does too? I guess I am just addicted to the attention I get from someone who adores me.
I think you need to confess. You obviously feel awfully guilty if you have confessed here, but if you do not tell your partner there is always a chance that he will find out. That would be doubly hard, as I have experienced it myself. He told me he was disappointed in me but now I am very happy with the person I was cheating with and I know I will not do that to him. People think it is strange because I cheated with him but I know I won’t do it again. I think you should always confess if you cheat.
I think if you cheat on your partner you have to ask yourself why it’s happening in the first place and whether reporting it will provide a benefit or if it just hurts. See if your relationship is good or not and make a decision even if that means ending relationships with either (or both) lover and partner. Eventually you will make the best decision for you.
Do not confess! It is your problem, not your partner’s. There is no need to create another problem.
As long as you can handle the guilt I would shut up about it. I’ve experienced both sides. I have been cheated on and cheated on my current boyfriend. Obviously I feel bad about it but I am not going to tell him. If you tell your partner he will be in a lot of pain even though you feel better. So you must choose who you would rather hurt, him or yourself? I certainly don’t want to lose either my friend or my partner but the flesh is weak and they say alcohol is the devil. I would say learn a lesson and move on from bad experiences.
Of course you need to tell! Honesty is the most important part of a relationship.
My relationship was bad with nothing but arguments, smashing things and screaming at each other. I have a husband who has no respect for me, then all of a sudden I found someone who was paying attention to me and respecting me. He was a perfect person for me as he did not dominate or scare me. He was lovely. But I told myself that if the guy was happy I was cheating on my husband, then I knew he would be okay if he did it to me if we ended up together which is even worse. I still have contact with him but only via the internet.

 

I always thought adultery happened to other people and would not happen to me. I was wrong. I thought my (ex) boyfriend would never cheat on me and we had a happy relationship but then he started acting strange around a girl I knew. It turned out they slept together yet he always denied anything if I asked what he was doing. Well I knew better. Of course I was angry and sad but of course I forgave him anyway because I was stupid. I thought he would change. The trust is gone and now I know I can never forgive him for what he did to me despite him saying he’ll never do it again, I just can’t believe him.
Treat others how you would like to be treated. Would you want to know if your spouse cheated on you? Yes, of course you would! Do not kiss someone even once in a blue moon because it could lead to more and you may end up resenting your spouse for not acting like the person you kiss. Honesty is best.
I do not understand why people think cheating is a difficult choice? Get out of your relationship and stay single until you feel you want a monogamous relationship. Why get involved with more than one person and cause so much hurt? I’ll never get it…
I have a relationship besides my marriage. It is primarily just because of sex and pure, delicious lust. Confess everything? No, and my husband is none the wiser. You can use my motto that you only live once.
I think you should confess to your partner. I can say that I understand the victim’s side but I don’t understand why someone needs to cheat instead of just break up. I was accused of cheating by my former partner who called me nasty names and said I was crazy. Once I found out it was actually him who was cheating on me did I know that I was not crazy or any of those names he called me. I would never do such a thing. I would rather break up than feel guilty about something.
Cheating is the biggest pitfall in a relationship and we all know it. If you have ever done it you know how it feels, the guilt and fear that he will find out and what will he do when he finds out? I did it and it was all too much so I confessed it to him and it was the worst night of my life. But I told him because I could not live with myself. Now there is no trust between us and sometimes I feel like I wish I had never told him just so I could have saved the relationship. I don’t think it is going to last.
I do not like judging others but cheating on your partner at the beginning of your relationship then telling him after 4 months of being together is not a good idea. It may be best to keep your mouth shut. Cheating in the beginning is going to kill all trust immediately and you can bet your partner will not be able to forgive you even if he said he could. This happened to me when my boyfriend cheated on me and to this day I am still angry at him even though we have broken up since then.
I have a similar problem. I have been going out with a really nice guy regularly for a few weeks and it seems to be something beautiful. Last weekend I ran into an old flame in the pub and got a little cozy with him. I have no interest in my old flame, we just kissed a little, but do you think I should tell my new guy? We are not in an official relationship but every day we come one step closer. The problem is they know each other. My ex-boyfriend is my new guy’s brother.
I just cheated on my boyfriend with my ex. I told my boyfriend that we kissed but in reality we made love again. If he knew I slept with my ex he would leave me, whereas just a kiss he can forgive me for. I don’t want to tell him because now I appreciate our relationship more than before. I know for sure that I want to stay with him and I know I will never cheat on him again. Why would I tell him when I love him so, and it was just the one time? It will ruin my life if he breaks up with me. I have made my peace with it and hopefully it never comes up again between us. I am not saying adultery is good, cheating on somebody is never good! But my entire story between my boyfriend and me and my ex is too complicated to say here. But I want to say that in my case, adultery has helped strengthen my relationship with my current boyfriend.

 

I believe that it is better not to tell your partner if you committed adultery against him, at least if you want to maintain the relationship with him or her. If you do not do it much or as an act of revenge, you should just keep it to yourself. If you find you can’t stop, however, then you must tell your partner or break up with him or her and just be honest. Being adulterous usually means something is wrong in the relationship anyway, so put your relationship under the microscope and really figure out what the problems are. Cheating on someone is inexcusable, so think carefully before you do it. It’s hell and I say that from experience.
 

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