What to do after ending a relationship


What to do after ending a relationshipAfter a long relationship you’re single and back in the game. Again you are available and “on the market”, but you now have a number of years life experiences and you are under very little illusion. You have little or no sense to start a new relationship but are afraid to stay alone.

It’s over. It is a strange feeling; a mix of pain, relief, curiosity, loneliness and fear. You’re single again. And that means long evenings alone or with a friend who is in the same situation. In the time shortly afterwards you will receive some invitations for dinners with friends at home (unfortunately all couples) that feel bad for you. You get some calls or proposals from “friends of friends” now that you’re single again who suddenly show interest and like to take their chances.
From one quick moment to the other, you will be excluded from the world of the happy couples, forgoing the world of vacations together, evenings on the couch and future plans. A situation that seemed destined to endure forever comes suddenly – quite suddenly – to an end.And then? What should you do? Force yourself to look for the someone? Or should you retreat back into yourself? Maybe you should pick yourself up and go out with a good friend.

And now I’m single again, but I am ten years older, now what?” A difficult question to which you could give thousands of answers, both correct and incorrect since this is too delicate and too personal a topic. And yet we want to embark on you a few tips, don’ts rather than do’s, to those who are in this situation. And then of course we are counting on your support.

– Single and not so young. But desperate? No, not that.

Never ever. If you ask us, avoid the typical one night stand solution.

– Are you being invited by the vultures of men?

Who smell it a mile away that you are single and possibly lonesome? Experience shows that you can avoid them now better than ever. You remain single, but not used. Let them continue circling above in the air, but make sure they see you are not prey for them to conquer.

– The same applies to some friends.

There are those women who are always and forever on the hunt. They will certainly try to get you to go with them to their favorite pub. Try to avoid this but delicately so you do not hurt anyone’s feelings, but remain classy and do not pick up men from bars. There is a reason they are there drinking alcohol without abandon.

– Go out by yourself?

That might not be such a good idea, but you would like to get back among the people than be cynical and lonesome for the rest of your life. Choose your outings wisely.

– Use the internet?

That depends. Like everything you encounter online, there may be interesting and less interesting people. Be on your guard and do not give personal information to others. You must use your own discretion whether or not to meet up with somebody in a busy public place and definitely do not give them your phone number at first, no matter how nicely they ask.

– And those friends of your friends?

You never know if this will work out, but always ask yourself this: Why are they still single if they are so wonderful?

But what then? What should you do? Our main advice is to start living again. Rediscover your hobbies, work on an economic basis so you are free and independent, and build a network of friends you can count on. Live your life the way you want to! There is no rush to get back into the dating scene.

And you?

What would you do if you suddenly are back in the game? Mail your response through the window below (be sure to specify the name of the article). The most interesting responses will be published below.

Hi I am now 23 and my relationship is over after 3yrs so I am back on the market. I agree to what is said above; I feel relieved sometimes do have anxiety and sometimes pain, but I know deep down that this is the best for myself and for him! I’m very positive in life, and I feel the love in myself and others too and that is very important to realize that you are worthy of your own love. Some fun things to do with the social networking is just chatting online for a while.
I am now 17 and my boyfriend broke up with me after 8 months, and since then I have had nothing but grief, until one of my ex’s best friends contacted me. He showed that I can still have a nice time talking to others, and it’s very nice. Finally I am on the mend after my ex broke up with me. Although it might not be a good idea to date his best friend, I am happy for the time being.
I’m 32 with 2 kids and have been alone for a year and half. I’m quite ok and I still have that question of how do I find someone? I’m not desperate and know it will take time. I want to slowly start dating to find someone who really loves me. I’ve occasionally tried dating sites but it’s really not my thing. I have a circle of friends but they are all in a relationships and it is not appealing to hang out with them by myself. So what now? I still start to ask questions and occasionally I get depressed from thinking about it.
My longest relationship is over. Unfortunately, the ending was not pleasant, and I gave myself courage by drinking and ending up in strangers’ beds. Now I want a man in my life. I no longer want my life to revolve around drinking in the pub and being used just for sex, but I also do not want my life to revolve around a man, but to revolve around me.
Fortunately, I often find myself again in the gym, in the city, in a nice pub for a drink with a friend instead of hunting. With the relaxed attitude that I now have, I dare to believe that I’m not hunting.
My advice is to relax and have fun on your nights out or afternoons tanning in gym!
After 6 years, my relationships has ended, and I feel quite well despite having read negative comments.I think a broken relationship is not all negative. I’ve learned a lot about myself and now know what I want. Love should not hurt or make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him. Why depend on a man? Sure it’s great to enjoy each other but we women (and indeed men) can entertain ourselves.
There are very many interesting men in the world. Enjoy life, even if all you can think about is finding someone to love you. Why are we so picky? It is doubtful we will ever find our “soul mate” in a sea of 7 billion people. We can all think of someone who loves us.My ex-boyfriend hurt me greatly but I have healed from it and am now enjoying life, as should all of you.
I am now single after a long relationship. So many mixed feelings, and still dependent on him. Yet I know that it’s better. I can no longer make myself go out. What makes it so difficult to be alone? Maybe it’s not the best solution to get into a new relationship just for it to collapse immediately, but I’d rather no longer feel as crappy as I do now. But where are all these guys at? Or rather, are they even out there? I go out every week and see so many people (okay, maybe in the same place), and yet there is no one interesting? How can that be so? I often wonder. Of course I think my ex is the best thing ever happened to me, because the man I have in mind, which does not exist. And the nonsense that you do not need anyone, I do not believe. I’m not made to be alone, and I admit it! Every day I hope to find the one who can complement me.
Already a half year bachelor after a relationship that lasted longer than 2 years. I did have a period in my life afterwards where I went out on many dates and had one night stands but they all ended abruptly, before they had even began. Now I am done with that mess and ready to find someone fun to date exclusively.
Hey Joe, I really have had the same experiences as you and know how it feels when two people love each other, but one of them has a lot of problems. My girlfriend is one of those people. I cannot help but feel she dearly loves me and I love her as well but I think she has decided to continue on alone. This has really broken my heart. From her perspective, I understand as she has been through a lot and we moved too quickly but it was very good and intense, now it is nothing. If you love each other dearly like we do there is an entirely different sensation from just lusting after someone. I really hope she will reconsider and see what we had so we get back together. She is the best thing that happened to me and I’m happy to see her feel better but I will never forget about her. I love her so much and she will always have a place in my heart.
Last year I was single again after a relationship of almost 4 years. I have put this relationship behind me because I longed for freedom. Meanwhile, I have been single for almost a year and have experienced all the feelings that you can experience as a bachelor. Of course I fell into that big black hole. I was a beast the first few months, going out 3 times a week, I had dozens of dates, one night stands, outevery day with friends and girlfriends and tried as much as possible to do fun things. I met many new people, including fun people, but also dangerous people. So I was in love again less than 2 months after my ex and I broke up and I did not see my blindness so that I was fooled. Just before Christmas I was dumped. There you are, single for the 2nd time. That was hell, I sat for months and then I threw myself wholeheartedly into the wild single life. I was exhausted but did not conceive that I had to take rest. I finally got it after a few weeks of being quiet and I did a lot of thinking and I spent a lot of friends. I have now decided to focus on myself and them. Being single is not always fun, no, freedom is great but there are so many lonely moments that leave me with the desire for a relationship again and again. Nevertheless, a relationship is not just something you get, love should happen, it happens naturally. When, I do not know, but I do know that I had better go back to waiting patiently. There’ll probably be someone to cross my path when I least expect it. Until then, I’m having an unmarried twenties life with friends, family, I work a lot and sometimes sneak in a one night stand. I enjoy my single life and encourage everyone who is single to do just that. When you regain a relationship it changes your life, and you lose that piece of freedom that can be enjoyed now. So, anyone can save themselves from the wonderful world of the singles! Greetings! G.
I am now five months single after a relationship of six and a half years. And it suits me just fine. In the beginning, you would not even think of a relationship. Simply put time into yourself, career and hobbies. Often, it may be that you lose yourself in a relationship, so take some time for yourself. If you start dating you know what you want and you will not end up with crappy guys. If you’re ready to go out with good friends just enjoy and have fun because that is contagious and attracts the nice guys. I am entertained, feel confident and am not desperate, like there are 3 guys dating me. A cup of coffee or go to an exhibition, keep it nice and casual. That’s fine for now.
Speaking from experience, do not embark directly into a new relationship. You lose yourself sometimes in a relationship and need time to rediscover yourself; you may have changed since then. Please be aware of these changes and find out who you are before expecting someone else to do it for you in a new relationship.
I dare not go back in the love game. I have a relationship with a married man (very stupid, I know). Now this week I met a very nice man and he asked whether I want to go out with him again. The next day I received a text message asking when we were going to do that. I’ve said that I do very much want to so I’m going to give him that chance, because I see more future here. But the bad of all this is that I dare not to dump another, imagine that it does not work with that person, and then I am alone again. Do you have an opinion?  Should I just go with the guy on a date and see how that works?
I would work in an environment where many people come along. For example, in the city, it may be that you do encounter your true love. First, you earn money and secondly maybe do fun things with it, so you do not feel so lonely and insecure. Once you WANT to have more than a friend, it seems the relationship lasts longer. Convince yourself that you deserve to be happy, and that you can be. You can have a great time with other single girlfriends and give yourself time to grieve an old relationship and also time to wait for a new one to come along.
Yes this sounds obviously like “don’ts”, I would just say follow your heart and the rest will follow. If you do not want to sit, just go on casual dates, but in moderation, so it stays fun or go abroad and make that long journey, working in another culture (with possibly other potential candidates that are exciting and interesting). Or focus on your career, find a balance. I think balance is the most important. I myself have been a bachelor for 2 years after a 6 year relationship but after going abroad I found a relationship was not for me. I found my future wonderfully open and the prospect could go either way. It was so exciting! If I come across that special person, then I will pursue it but until then I am enjoying life!
Ladies, I would say to enjoy life, even a single life! You will find your prince when the time is right and you least expect it.
I’m back in the love game, and have been for 2 weeks but it’s not easy. I experienced this situation with my ex-girlfriend before. She said she loved me and I was the sweetest man she encountered in her life but she cannot see me for personal reasons. I don’t understand!Now I’m in a new relationship and we are getting to know each other and just see what happens. This makes me insecure and doubtful but I think going slowly is the best thing for us.
Sorry, but what narrow-minded ideas! You should do what makes you happy even if it means going to the same pub or club or bar downtown. That is what I do because I enjoy myself and I am happy with my life right now. Even hanging in the same pub I have met a lot of people. Everyone has needs and you are no different.Do not impose rules and restrictions on yourself based on the advice of others; do what you want! Even if you would rather live as a nun, if it makes you happy then do it. You only live once!
If you’re single again suddenly, you can expect to receive a lot of support from an unexpected amount of single women who are in the same boat. Hold on to these people firmly because they will be there when you need it most, if something goes wrong in your life. Throw yourself into your work, do fun things with your girlfriends, meet new people and just have fun and get to know yourself again.
Go to a dating service! That is what I’m going to do!
I am single again as of yesterday. After several years of waiting on the bench, my ex tried to pick up the pieces but now we’ve broken up. I wish him the best but it hurts. Fortunately I have some dear friends and girlfriends and an almost morbidly positive attitude so I think I will be fine. For now I am just focusing on keeping my head above water. If there is a new Prince Charming that pops up I will go for it!
My experience? See that there is more to life! All those nights or moments that you and your partner spent together are suddenly gone. For example, go back to do more sports. Find something fun to do, there are always many more things that you like! Do not stay in your old life! Find a hobby, indulge yourself with this situation. Buy some clothes you are comfortable in or get another haircut and change your room! Be yourself and enjoy the confidence that you have! There are always people who love you, so spend time with them. You’ll find out who your true friends are in difficult times! You will see that this is your consolation!
If they are so special, why are they alone? For the same reason as I am, because it did not work out! Always singles are seen as being pathetic rather than choosy and waiting for the right opportunity. Long live the internet, at least there you’re still anonymous and can guard your own borders. Consider going to singles only parties. Just my advice!
Starting a relationship is always difficult. Love is something that will happen over time and there is no knowing in advance if you are going to end up loving the person or not. I find it hard to get back into the dating game again because people have so much on their minds that love seems to be lost and down the list quite a long way. This is certainly not everyone but for a lot of us it is. Ladies do not get desperate! Do not settle.
My tip:
It’s very easy to pick up quickly with new people because you suddenly have a lot of time, this will sometimes not be the right people. Before you know it your new friends will just become jealous of you or with whom you have too little in common. Stay selective of both men and women.

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